Kids say the darnedest things...

[Peter B]

15YOS is a typical teenager - he's stinky and he mumbles. This provides context for me misunderstanding what he said when he and his siblings were discussing superpowers they'd like.

15YOS: The superpower I'd like is to be able to mumble myself.

Me: Eh? You'd like to 'what' yourself?

15YOS: Clone myself.

Me: Oh. Right. I thought you said clean yourself.

15YOS: Embarrassed laughter.

12YOS and 10YOD (because they know their brother): Raucous laughter.

[gillianren]

I was on a jury this week.  The kids have been very interested in the process and what I told them about my fellow jurors.  Sandy wanted to meet them and was disappointed that my service was ending.  "When you die, can I take your place on the jury?"

[Peter B]

All three kids are watching the TV while I cook dinner. A few minutes before I'm finished I go into their room...

Me: Turn the TV off when that show is finished, dinner's nearly ready.

Kids: Okay.

I go back to the kitchen and finish things in a few minutes. I then return to the kids to tell them dinner's ready, only to find the TV still on with a new show.

Me (slightly outraged): I told you to turn the TV off at the end of the last show. Why's it on now?

12YOS: We turned it off, but 10YOD turned it back on again.

Me: Why didn't you tell her to turn it off after what I said?

12YOS: But didn't you know? I'm unreliable!

[Bryanpoprobson]

Proud of my granddaughter Eva, won 3 out of 3 of her Ju Jitsu matches, which considering they banned her glasses, without which she is virtually blind, was some feat.

[Peter B]

Would your 10-year-old ask this?

= = = =

13YOS is reading "The Big Fat Cow That Goes Kapow!" by Andy Griffiths* to 10YOD.

13YOS: Here comes Mike / Mike rides a bike / Mike rides a bike with a very big spike.

10YOD: Is he jousting?

* If you have kids, I'm sure they'd enjoy "The 13-Storey Treehouse" and its sequels.

[Bryanpoprobson]

So Eva my granddaughter (shown in the above image) says that her class is going to sing Christmas Carols at an old age pensioners retirement home. So her younger brother, Harry pipes up, “Are you going to granddads house then?” I can go off my grandchildren 🤣😂

[Peter B]

School holidays...

13YOS: There's only two things I want to do at the moment.

11YOD: Stay in bed and watch TV?

...pause...

13YOS: There's only four things I want to do at the moment.

[Peter B]

13YOS and I are painting some miniature figurines (from the boardgame 'Talisman').

Mum walks in.

13YOS: Hi Mum, we're painting these figurines.

Mum (rolling her eyes): Yes, I can see that.

Me: Ah yes, his special subject today is 'The Bleeding Obvious'.

16YOS walks in and looks at us.

16YOS: What are you doing?

[Peter B]

Wife and I went to a school assembly yesterday at our local primary school (Kindergarten to Year 6) as 11YOD was to receive an award. Awards are normally presented by Principal and a senior teacher (let's call her Ms Brown). However, this time was different.

Principal: You might notice Ms Brown isn't here today, kids. Do you know where she is?

Kids: No.

Principal: She's gone to school for adults today! Can you guess what she's learning to do today?

Kids yell out all sorts of answers.

One kid: Your job?

[Peter B]

There's a teacher (let's call him Mr Smith) at 11YOD's school my wife and I have a bit of a problem with. He's a nice enough person, but from things 11YOD and 14YOS have said over the years, we've had to correct several misconceptions he's taught in class.

11YOD is fairly mature, and has had enough contact with Mr Smith to provide a considerably more withering assessment of his apparent failings as a teacher.

Anyway, a month ago 11YOD went on her school's two-night Year 6 camp. One of the activities the kids experienced was throwing a spear with a woomera (spear thrower). The instructor had a suggestion to help their aim.

Instructor: Pretend you're throwing the spear at your big brother.

11YOD (muttering): Or Mr Smith.

11YOD's teacher (rolling her eyes): I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

[Bryanpoprobson]

My daughter to my 5yo grandson, “Harry why is there a £5 note on your bedside table?”
Harry, “it’s bribe money from Eva!”
“Why has Eva given you bribe money?”
Harry,”Well that’s the whole point, if I tell you it wouldn’t be bribe money.”

[Peter B]

I made curried sausages for dinner last week: cook the sausages, cut them into short lengths and finish cooking them in the sweet curry sauce. After everyone had finished their meals, there were two sausage segments left...and three kids wanting to finish them off.

14YOS claimed one sausage, while 16YOS and 11YOD fought over the other one.

16YOS and 11YOD: Scissors, paper, rock! Oh!

16YOS and 11YOD: Scissors, paper, rock! Seriously?

16YOS and 11YOD: Scissors, paper, rock!

11YOD: Yes!

The three of them then engaged in a discussion of 16YOS's SPR strategy.