ApolloHoax.net
Off Topic => General Discussion => Topic started by: BazBear on March 20, 2015, 04:22:37 PM
-
"Stolen" from http://www.inflection-point.com/jokes/3.htm
20 Things that never happen on Star Trek
1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
2. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
3. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform wearing a funny hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
6.The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.
13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.
15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
16. Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
17. The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
18. Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.
19. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
20. Most things that are new or in some way unexpected.
-
Funny but true, in most cases, except for 14. Didn't the TNG crew go back to 19th century San Francisco and meet Samuel Clemens? And Kirk and Spock went back to the 1930's, so Kirk could push Joan Collins under a truck.
-
I always liked the way they expresed structural integrity as a percentage ;)
"Captain! Structural Integrity down to 98%!"
"I think we can cope with a 2% loss, Lieutenant"
"It might be quite an important 2% Sir, the left engine just fell off..."
-
When they talk about "Structural Integrity" on Trek, it's not the MECHANICAL intregrity of the ship, but the energy level in the Structural Intregrity FIELD - an energy-augmentation of the material of the ship.
Just like stacking electromagnets - if they aren't powered, they are more prone to falling down than if they are powered.
-
Captain Kirk, never actually said the words, "Beam me up Scotty!" :) Subtle variations, but never those exact words.
-
21. Kirk runs into one of his former classmates, professors or personal heroes from his Academy days who isn't a disaster in the making.
22. Somebody needs a restroom on the Enterprise.
23. Somebody actually finds a restroom on the Enterprise.
It's kinda surprising that Star Trek never addressed this subject given the most popular question asked of real astronauts.
24. Command of the Enterprise is temporarily assumed by a flag-level officer (Commodore or higher) who is actually competent to command a starship.
25. Scotty really isn't able to change the laws of physics and come up with more power.
26. Kirk is unable to talk a computer into destroying itself.
27. Spock takes more than 10 seconds to master a computer he's never seen before that was designed by an uncontacted or extinct alien species with technology unknown to the Federation and constructed for completely unfathomable purposes.
28. McCoy readily agrees to perform some function other than medicine when the occasion calls for it.
I could come up with these all night...
-
There were published blueprints that showed toilets on several versions of the Enterprise
E.g.:
(http://i39.tinypic.com/a9u7iu.jpg)
Of course, with sufficiently advanced transporter technology...
-
Continuing:
29. A high Federation official or ambassador defers to the Captain of the Enterprise in the running of his own ship.
30. Non-human aliens take human form without being corrupted by human instincts, sensations and emotions.
31. Switches and lights are properly labeled by function.
32. The Enterprise travels back in time and does not accidentally alter the future.
33. A main crew member is killed and stays dead.
-
"Stolen" from http://www.inflection-point.com/jokes/3.htm
20 Things that never happen on Star Trek
1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
2. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
3. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform wearing a funny hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
6.The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.
13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.
15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
16. Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
17. The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
18. Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.
19. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
20. Most things that are new or in some way unexpected.
Actually, I'm pretty sure every one of these situations was proposed for an episode.
But the writers concluded that the only way they could make these episodes work was as comedies, and they knew that might be dangerous...
http://lit-mech.deviantart.com/art/Spock-Laughing-164324477
-
3. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.
There are a number of incidences of the holodeck working properly. Lieutenant Reginald Barclay for instance had several properly operating fantasy programs that were woven into plots. Particularly the ones where he reused the senior staff members as he wanted them to be. Such as the dwarf Riker and goddess Troi. Geordi La Forge also developed a theoretical propulsion lab in the holodeck to get a solution when the Enterprise was in trouble.
In both these cases, the doesn't "work properly" part was with the crew, not the holodeck.
-
27. Spock takes more than 10 seconds to master a computer he's never seen before that was designed by an uncontacted or extinct alien species with technology unknown to the Federation and constructed for completely unfathomable purposes.
Assignment Earth (http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Assignment:_Earth_%28episode%29)
-
34. The manual-override works.
35. Fuses are installed in every console.
36. Seat-belts are installed at every bridge station.
-
27. Spock takes more than 10 seconds to master a computer he's never seen before that was designed by an uncontacted or extinct alien species with technology unknown to the Federation and constructed for completely unfathomable purposes.
Assignment Earth (http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Assignment:_Earth_%28episode%29)
Hmm, good point. But I'm not sure Spock had even as much as 10 seconds.
Nor did the writers know about EMP...
-
32. The Enterprise travels back in time and does not accidentally alter the future.
This happened..... twice!
Assignment Earth (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assignment:_Earth)
and
Tomorrow is Yesteday (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomorrow_Is_Yesterday)
33. A main crew member is killed and stays dead.
And so did this...
Skin of Evil (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skin_of_Evil)
-
And so did this...
Skin of Evil (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skin_of_Evil)
Ah but Tasha Yar came back as herself in one episode (Yesterdays Enterprise) and then as her own daughter in "Redemption". Plus she did play herself, yet again, in "All Good Things!"
-
And so did this...
Skin of Evil (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skin_of_Evil)
Ah but Tasha Yar came back as herself in one episode (Yesterdays Enterprise) and then as her own daughter in "Redemption". Plus she did play herself, yet again, in "All Good Things!"
I don't think any of that counts within the spirit of the original suggestion.
Yar was dead and her character never came back as that character in that timeline.
At the end of "Yesterdays Enterprise", Guinan was the only character who had any awareness of that there might have even been an alternate time-line. For the rest, the alternate time-line never happened.
The same actor playing Yar's daughter does not count as Yar being resurrected (even though the daughter only existed because of what happened in the alternative time-line of "Yestedays Enterprise"
"All Good Things" was effectively a double episode of flashbacks with some time tampering by Q. I don't think flashbacks count as character resurrection (see Wilbur Smith's "The Sunbird" for an outstanding example of using flashbacks in storytelling)
-
Yeah, but if any character should have stayed dead at all costs in ANY timeline, it was Tasha Yar. You'd think Q could have had the decency to erase her very existence at least...
-
Oh, I don't mind so much her having been alive. But gods save us from anything as tepid and cloying as that funeral scene! I'd rather watch the Voyager episode where they turned into salamanders than sit through that again.
-
I know I'm dating myself, but the only true Star Trek is the original series...
And in that series, almost every major character died (or we were led to believe died) only to be resurrected by some deus-ex-machina contrivance. As I recall:
Captain Kirk: Amok Time, Return to Tomorrow, The Enterprise Incident, The Tholian Web (arguably)
Spock: Return to Tomorrow (and the 2nd movie, of course)
Dr McCoy: Shore Leave
Scotty: The Changeling
Chekov: Spectre of the Gun
Yeoman Rand: Charlie X
-
I know I'm dating myself, but the only true Star Trek is the original series...
I am a full believer in the greater Star Trek universe and firmly reject then notion of one true Star Trek. ;)
I've pondered whether the Tasha Yar Problem was with the producers who didn't know how to make the character work or Denise Crosby not being a very versatile actress. The role of Yar didn't play to Crosby's strengths, such as the were that were. Crosby was far better suited to be a hard, conniving and back stabling Romulan than the should be cynical cop who instead has a heart of gold. The show in which Yar died was just as meaningless her death, leading me toward the answer that the producers hadn't figured out the character.
-
I remember Denise Crosby saying (about her funeral speech), "If I'd gotten more scripts like that I would have stayed."
My problem with Tasha Yar was that I could not believe for one femto-second that someone with that many hang-ups, that raw and that insecure would have been tapped to be a department head / Tactical Officer / Security Chief on a major ship like Enterprise. Interestingly, when I saw her in "Yesterday's Enterprise", she was every bit the seasoned, competent, cool professional that I would expect to find in that position, and yet still dramatically interesting.
I agree that the [parade of] writers in the first season had no idea what to do with the character.* Deanna Troi and Wesley Crusher were also conspicuous victims of this problem.
*Incidentally, the Tasha-character was originally named Macha Hernandez, and was a blatant clone of Jeanette Goldstein's character, Vasquez from "Aliens".
-
Even in Yesterdays Enterprise, Yar still led with her heart. Only by that time the producers had figured her and the rest of the show out enough to make it believable. I watched Redemption last night, I still think the hard cynical Romulan role was Crosby's best appearance. My recollection watching the documentaries Trekkies was that she carried the bemused and almost cynical demeanor off very well. I find that Crosby didn't do the action character that "lead with the heart" very convincingly. She was miscast for Yar and they seem to have stuck by the plan for the character instead of developing Yar to Crosby's strengths. If they had let Yar be more like Warf, rule dependent and honor bound who let the vagaries of the heart slip out only with hesitation, Crosby would have been far more convincing.
-
I remember Denise Crosby saying (about her funeral speech), "If I'd gotten more scripts like that I would have stayed."
My problem with Tasha Yar was that I could not believe for one femto-second that someone with that many hang-ups, that raw and that insecure would have been tapped to be a department head / Tactical Officer / Security Chief on a major ship like Enterprise. Interestingly, when I saw her in "Yesterday's Enterprise", she was every bit the seasoned, competent, cool professional that I would expect to find in that position, and yet still dramatically interesting.
I agree that the [parade of] writers in the first season had no idea what to do with the character.* Deanna Troi and Wesley Crusher were also conspicuous victims of this problem.
*Incidentally, the Tasha-character was originally named Macha Hernandez, and was a blatant clone of Jeanette Goldstein's character, Vasquez from "Aliens".
As I recall, originally Marina Sirtis auditioned for the Hernandez role and Crosby read for the proto-Troi character. I think it was Rodenberry that decided to switch their roles and re-write the characters accordingly. I can only imagine the train wreck that would have been Denise Crosby as the ship's counselor. Not certain Sirtis would have been any better as the Security Chief, either.
-
*Incidentally, the Tasha-character was originally named Macha Hernandez, and was a blatant clone of Jeanette Goldstein's character, Vasquez from "Aliens".
And IMO, Jeanette "I only need to know one thing: where - they- are!" Goldstein would have been far better suited to the role, however, if I was choosing and actress to play the Yar role now, or perhaps 10 years ago, I think Katee Sackhoff (re-imagined Starbuck in BSG) would be my choice.
-
Ah, that would have been a fun dynamic. If they could have pulled it off. Seems like the only Trek that recognized that darker impulses were sometimes necessary; Kirk finding strength in his evil twin, et al, or that hard choices could be necessary, was TOS.
Worf seemed established in the role of someone who would always put the practical (often brutally) response on the table, but they NERF'd that twice; second by putting him in conflict with his own impulses too often reluctant to use his warrior training, but first and foremost by having his response clearly wrong almost every time he gave it.
So instead of having someone who could ague logically and passionately that putting up the shields before an ship with unknown intentions closed to firing range, we got this sort of exchange:
WORF: We should ready phasers!
REST OF CREW: It's a hologram, you clown!
-
Worf seemed established in the role of someone who would always put the practical (often brutally) response on the table, but they NERF'd that twice; second by putting him in conflict with his own impulses too often reluctant to use his warrior training, but first and foremost by having his response clearly wrong almost every time he gave it.
So instead of having someone who could ague logically and passionately that putting up the shields before an ship with unknown intentions closed to firing range, we got this sort of exchange:
WORF: We should ready phasers!
REST OF CREW: It's a hologram, you clown!
Here's 15 painful minutes of that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edflm7Hh3hs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edflm7Hh3hs)
-
Seems like the only Trek that recognized that darker impulses were sometimes necessary; Kirk finding strength in his evil twin, et al, or that hard choices could be necessary, was TOS.
You're forgetting DS9's "In The Pale Moonlight". An outstanding episode with a stunning performance by Avery Brooks.
-
William Shatner steals Space Shuttle to search for reborn Leonard Nimoy :)
http://newsthump.com/2015/02/28/william-shatner-steals-space-shuttle-to-search-for-reborn-leonard-nimoy/
-
Yeah, like that's never happened before.