Kids say the darnedest things...

[Ranb]

My daughter is bringing her little girl to her 1st day of kindergarten.

Mom; You have fun, okay?
Daughter; Ignores her mom.
Mom; Behave?
Daughter; Ignores her mom.
Mom; Don't beat up nobody, don't be rude.
Daughter; I won't !!!

Mom; Love you baby.
Daughter; I love you too.

I thinking, "Just how tough is my granddaughter anyway?"  I have it all on video. 

Ranb

[gillianren]

Simon comes in brandishing a small orange.  "This is evil!"

". . . Evil?"

"Yeah!  People aren't supposed to give fruit and vegetables in trick-or-treat bags.  They're supposed to give pure sugar!"

[Bryanpoprobson]

Not a kid saying something, but I didn't want to start a new thread. My Grandson Finley woke up to a Space Elf on a Shelf, yesterday. 

[gillianren]

We aren't doing that, because creepy and wrong, but if we did have an Elf on the Shelf, sending it to orbit would be just about right.

[Peter B]

8YOS to 6YOD (context unknown): Are you planning to put a pumpkin on your head? The way a skeleton wears one to protect its head from the sun?

[Peter B]

8YOS (removing margarine container from fridge and starting to read it): Mum? This says it has 75% less salt and fat than butter. But this is butter.

Mummy: No, it's margarine. They perform essentially the same function, and look the same, but they're different things.

8YOS (aghast, brandishing container aloft): You mean you lied to us every time you called it 'kid butter'?

[Peter B]

Before school 11YOS asks if I could pack a cup-cake-sized chicken frittata in his lunch bag. I do so. 6YOD asks for one as well.

After school he brings me his lunch bag in the kitchen. 6YOD watches the following exchange.

11YOS: I noticed you didn’t pack a chicken frittata in my lunch bag.

Me: Oh, sorry. Well, I thought I packed one.

11YOS: That’s alright. I figure you packed it in 8YOS’s lunch bag by mistake.

Me: Yes, I suppose that’s possible.

I open his lunch bag and remove the sandwich box. The chicken frittata, still sealed in its plastic bag, falls out. I hold it up.

11YOS (a little ashamed): I guess I didn’t see it in there.

6YOD: I noticed you didn’t pack a chicken frittata in my lunch bag too. Oh wait, that’s a mistake, you did and I ate it for lunch.

Me: *glare*

[gillianren]

Me to a crying Irene: "It's okay.  It's okay.  There are two people in this room who love you very, very much."

Simon: "Well, one, actually, because yeah."

[Northern Lurker]

8YOS to 6YOD (context unknown): Are you planning to put a pumpkin on your head? The way a skeleton wears one to protect its head from the sun?

Propably Minecraft. Zombies and skeletons spawned during night will burn in sun, unless they are wearing a headgear. One can wear a carved pumpkin as a hat. It doesn't give any damage resistance and it restricts field of view but it prevents Endermen aggroing you if you look at them.

Edited to add: Monsters can use same armours and headgear as player characters.

Lurky

[Peter B]

Ah, thank you Lurky.

That explains a lot!

[Northern Lurker]

Ah, thank you Lurky.

That explains a lot!

You're welcome!

Lurky

[gillianren]

Irene cannot pronounce her own name yet.  Calls herself Bean.  Also, she will routinely come into a room and say, "Oh, hi, Mama!"  As if she's surprised to find you exactly where she left you.  These days, if I'm doing things on the other side of the gate, she'll call me until I acknowledge her, so she knows where I am, and follow that with, "Oh, hi, Mama!"

[Kiwi]

No amusing quotes here, but a small record of things I said and did in my first two years. First word at 7 months 3 days, although "Mum" seems to be fairly common babble around that age. I would probably still pull a silly face with eyes and nose screwed up if ever scolded.

What's the approximate age for the first word these days?

[Kiwi] spoke his first word, Mum, on 12 October 1949.  Said Bub-bub on 5 Nov 1949.  Clapped hands 1 Dec 1949.  Said Dad in December.  Waved goodbye 2 Jan 1950.  Said ta, gave thumb up sign and pointed, 1 Mar 1950.  Dadda, Mumma, bubba, "do" for dog, miaow, bar-bar for sheep and jogged at a horse noise.  Said Cyntia for Cynthia 26 Apr 1950.  When scolded pulled a silly face with his eyes and nose screwed up.  Said oh dear dear, in June 1950.  Huwwa for hello, how you, papa for Grandpa, Arnie for Aunty, and fiffa for slipper or shoe in August 1950.  At one year nine months (Dec 1950) could say thankyou, Aunty, please, plum, peas, beans, jam, honey, cheese, bread, more, shoe, all gone, Ditta for Cynthia, Henny for Helen, Dugga for Douglas, Mummy, Daddy, here he is, cardigan or cargie, and sore.

[gillianren]

Approximate age tends to be around twelve months; you were clearly an early talker.

[gillianren]

Irene, "reading" The Monster at the End of This Book to herself: "Don't do that book!  [turns page]  Don't do that book!  [turns page]."