Author Topic: Kids say the darnedest things...  (Read 130732 times)

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #240 on: January 20, 2023, 06:54:17 PM »
15YOS is a typical teenager - he's stinky and he mumbles. This provides context for me misunderstanding what he said when he and his siblings were discussing superpowers they'd like.

15YOS: The superpower I'd like is to be able to mumble myself.

Me: Eh? You'd like to 'what' yourself?

15YOS: Clone myself.

Me: Oh. Right. I thought you said clean yourself.

15YOS: Embarrassed laughter.

12YOS and 10YOD (because they know their brother): Raucous laughter.
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Offline gillianren

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #241 on: January 21, 2023, 01:42:31 PM »
I was on a jury this week.  The kids have been very interested in the process and what I told them about my fellow jurors.  Sandy wanted to meet them and was disappointed that my service was ending.  "When you die, can I take your place on the jury?"
"This sounds like a job for Bipolar Bear . . . but I just can't seem to get out of bed!"

"Conspiracy theories are an irresistible labour-saving device in the face of complexity."  --Henry Louis Gates

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #242 on: April 30, 2023, 08:14:29 AM »
All three kids are watching the TV while I cook dinner. A few minutes before I'm finished I go into their room...

Me: Turn the TV off when that show is finished, dinner's nearly ready.

Kids: Okay.

I go back to the kitchen and finish things in a few minutes. I then return to the kids to tell them dinner's ready, only to find the TV still on with a new show.

Me (slightly outraged): I told you to turn the TV off at the end of the last show. Why's it on now?

12YOS: We turned it off, but 10YOD turned it back on again.

Me: Why didn't you tell her to turn it off after what I said?

12YOS: But didn't you know? I'm unreliable!
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Offline Bryanpoprobson

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #243 on: May 28, 2023, 01:31:40 AM »

Proud of my granddaughter Eva, won 3 out of 3 of her Ju Jitsu matches, which considering they banned her glasses, without which she is virtually blind, was some feat.
"Wise men speak because they have something to say!" "Fools speak, because they have to say something!" (Plato)

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #244 on: July 07, 2023, 08:12:54 AM »
Would your 10-year-old ask this?

= = = =

13YOS is reading "The Big Fat Cow That Goes Kapow!" by Andy Griffiths* to 10YOD.

13YOS: Here comes Mike / Mike rides a bike / Mike rides a bike with a very big spike.

10YOD: Is he jousting?

* If you have kids, I'm sure they'd enjoy "The 13-Storey Treehouse" and its sequels.
Ecosia - the greenest way to search. You find what you need, Ecosia plants trees where they're needed. www.ecosia.org

I'm a member of Lids4Kids - rescuing plastic for the planet.

Offline Bryanpoprobson

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #245 on: December 20, 2023, 11:18:06 AM »
So Eva my granddaughter (shown in the above image) says that her class is going to sing Christmas Carols at an old age pensioners retirement home. So her younger brother, Harry pipes up, “Are you going to granddads house then?” I can go off my grandchildren 🤣😂
"Wise men speak because they have something to say!" "Fools speak, because they have to say something!" (Plato)

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #246 on: April 16, 2024, 01:44:17 AM »
School holidays...

13YOS: There's only two things I want to do at the moment.

11YOD: Stay in bed and watch TV?

...pause...

13YOS: There's only four things I want to do at the moment.
Ecosia - the greenest way to search. You find what you need, Ecosia plants trees where they're needed. www.ecosia.org

I'm a member of Lids4Kids - rescuing plastic for the planet.

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #247 on: April 25, 2024, 09:07:44 AM »
13YOS and I are painting some miniature figurines (from the boardgame 'Talisman').

Mum walks in.

13YOS: Hi Mum, we're painting these figurines.

Mum (rolling her eyes): Yes, I can see that.

Me: Ah yes, his special subject today is 'The Bleeding Obvious'.

16YOS walks in and looks at us.

16YOS: What are you doing?
Ecosia - the greenest way to search. You find what you need, Ecosia plants trees where they're needed. www.ecosia.org

I'm a member of Lids4Kids - rescuing plastic for the planet.

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #248 on: June 21, 2024, 09:38:28 PM »
Wife and I went to a school assembly yesterday at our local primary school (Kindergarten to Year 6) as 11YOD was to receive an award. Awards are normally presented by Principal and a senior teacher (let's call her Ms Brown). However, this time was different.

Principal: You might notice Ms Brown isn't here today, kids. Do you know where she is?

Kids: No.

Principal: She's gone to school for adults today! Can you guess what she's learning to do today?

Kids yell out all sorts of answers.

One kid: Your job?
Ecosia - the greenest way to search. You find what you need, Ecosia plants trees where they're needed. www.ecosia.org

I'm a member of Lids4Kids - rescuing plastic for the planet.

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #249 on: June 21, 2024, 09:52:55 PM »
There's a teacher (let's call him Mr Smith) at 11YOD's school my wife and I have a bit of a problem with. He's a nice enough person, but from things 11YOD and 14YOS have said over the years, we've had to correct several misconceptions he's taught in class.

11YOD is fairly mature, and has had enough contact with Mr Smith to provide a considerably more withering assessment of his apparent failings as a teacher.

Anyway, a month ago 11YOD went on her school's two-night Year 6 camp. One of the activities the kids experienced was throwing a spear with a woomera (spear thrower). The instructor had a suggestion to help their aim.

Instructor: Pretend you're throwing the spear at your big brother.

11YOD (muttering): Or Mr Smith.

11YOD's teacher (rolling her eyes): I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
Ecosia - the greenest way to search. You find what you need, Ecosia plants trees where they're needed. www.ecosia.org

I'm a member of Lids4Kids - rescuing plastic for the planet.

Offline Bryanpoprobson

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #250 on: July 02, 2024, 04:09:19 AM »
My daughter to my 5yo grandson, “Harry why is there a £5 note on your bedside table?”
Harry, “it’s bribe money from Eva!”
“Why has Eva given you bribe money?”
Harry,”Well that’s the whole point, if I tell you it wouldn’t be bribe money.”
"Wise men speak because they have something to say!" "Fools speak, because they have to say something!" (Plato)

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #251 on: July 02, 2024, 10:18:54 PM »
I made curried sausages for dinner last week: cook the sausages, cut them into short lengths and finish cooking them in the sweet curry sauce. After everyone had finished their meals, there were two sausage segments left...and three kids wanting to finish them off.

14YOS claimed one sausage, while 16YOS and 11YOD fought over the other one.

16YOS and 11YOD: Scissors, paper, rock! Oh!

16YOS and 11YOD: Scissors, paper, rock! Seriously?

16YOS and 11YOD: Scissors, paper, rock!

11YOD: Yes!

The three of them then engaged in a discussion of 16YOS's SPR strategy.
Ecosia - the greenest way to search. You find what you need, Ecosia plants trees where they're needed. www.ecosia.org

I'm a member of Lids4Kids - rescuing plastic for the planet.

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #252 on: November 26, 2024, 08:35:01 PM »
A couple of days ago 14YOS came home from school early because he'd been sick, then had yesterday off school for the same reason. This morning when I came down to the kitchen I saw this note on the bench:
Quote
I didn't throw up, but I did sorta gag and do that thing where your body tries to throw up but can't.

Take a wild guess of who wrote this note.
Ecosia - the greenest way to search. You find what you need, Ecosia plants trees where they're needed. www.ecosia.org

I'm a member of Lids4Kids - rescuing plastic for the planet.

Offline Peter B

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Re: Kids say the darnedest things...
« Reply #253 on: December 22, 2024, 05:04:54 PM »
14YOS has been in a morose mood over the last couple of weeks, thanks to magpies.

For those of you who don't know, Australian magpies are named for their rough similarity in appearance to European magpies. Like the European birds, Australian magpies are intelligent and social animals with complex vocalisations. They're highly territorial, live in small family groups, and are well adapted to living in the suburbs. We have a magpie family which includes our yard in their foraging territory; in summer we leave water out for them, and they like to sun themselves in the privacy of our yard (and we feed them very occasionally). One of the endearing characteristics of Australian magpies is the way juvenile birds follow their parents as they forage, loudly begging to be fed with a call that sounds like "Hey? Hey? Hey? Hey?", until the nearest parent stuffs food into their mouths...whereupon the begging restarts.

Come the end of the school year, and 14YOS has won a couple of academic achievement awards. My wife and I attended the assembly where they were presented. But 14YOS was feeling down because one of the magpies living on school grounds had been injured, and he'd had to call the local wildlife rescue groups to help it.

Then, a week or so later, on the last day of school for the year, you'd think 14YOS would be celebrating? No, he'd had to call the wildlife rescue people again; one of the mapgies had got its legs tangled in a length of string and couldn't free itself.

Then, the day before (now) 12YOD's birthday, 14YOS noticed one of the juvenile magpies of "our" family caught by one leg between the palings of our boundary fence. We called the wildlife rescue people, but they were too busy to help. 14YOS was almost beside himself watching the poor bird as it alternated between helplessly flapping its wings to free itself and hanging there exhausted. In the end he and I had a go at rescuing it, and I'm proud to say we were able to free it and take it to the local vet for treatment of its leg.

Happy days, you might have thought; we'd rescued the injured bird? But no, not the way 14YOS saw it. The wildlife rescue people told us that if the vet could save the animal they'd rehabilitate it and release it, but probably not with its old family. As they explained, the juveniles were close to the age where their parents would forcibly wean their kids by expelling them from their territory. So poor old 14YOS was distracted from the prospect of enjoying his little sister's birthday by dwelling on the fact that we'd helped break up "our" magpie family...
Ecosia - the greenest way to search. You find what you need, Ecosia plants trees where they're needed. www.ecosia.org

I'm a member of Lids4Kids - rescuing plastic for the planet.